Man Literally Marries a Video Game

If today's news is any indication, then Japanese society has bigger things to worry about than young men who get manicures and pee sitting down. A man who prefers to go by his Internet handle SAL9000 recently went all-out in his fairytale wedding to a character from a video game. She's a figment generated from Love Plus on the Nintendo DS and Mr. 9000 is sincere in his devotion to her. The two of them had a romantic getaway in Guam then came back to Japan to have an actual wedding complete with a guest list comprised of friends and family, a service and a reception. Let's unpack this one, shall we?

My interest in this particular bit of unbelievable but verified news isn't just the inherent insanity of a flesh-and-blood human falling in love with and eventually marrying a video game character. No, my interest is in how his culture reacted to it. For the record, I think SAL9000 ought to be able to do whatever he wants with Love Plus. If he wants to spend loads of money fueling this fantasy and it makes him happy, more power to him. In a somewhat disturbing way, his openness about all of this madness is impressive if only because it's courageous.

But this isn't just about SAL9000 and his smile-filled trip into the deep end. His friends and family supported him through all of this, which I'm pretty sure is something that would never happen on this side of the Pacific. I'm willing to accept that America has an equal proportion of geeks as Japan, but we handle these departures from reality differently. Japanese culture seems bent on the incorporation of every indulgence into the mainstream, which is probably why cities in Japan look like a combination of an acid trip and a system of giant P.O. boxes. In an attempt to open their arms to welcome every harmless excursion from sanity, Japanese culture in the 21st century has forced itself to assume the form of a tentacle monster.

I can't help but wonder about the logical implications of SAL9000's marriage to non-person Nene Anegasaki. Is he married to just his copy of the character or does he have to overcome the immense jealousy of knowing that an untold multitude of other people are screwing around with a program that looks and behaves exactly like his new wife? If the game gets worn out and breaks, is his wife dead or can he retrieve her in a new copy? If yes, how does that relate to the first question? I can't pretend to be able to follow SAL9000 through the mental obstacle course of his reasoning, but I also don't know if I can actually laugh at him for it. Joking about SAL9000 is like laughing at a clown who regularly hits himself in the face with pies regardless of whether he has an audience because it makes him happy. There's really no joke anymore.

So, congratulations SAL and Nene, I guess?